The Vipassana meditation course is the practical application of the buddhist theory of happiness. Within Buddhism there’s no concept of an afterlife therefore its focus is on happiness in this life and that’s what is relevant here. If we believe there's an eternal Heaven, or Hell, awaiting us then the quality of this relatively short life we're currently experiencing isn't so important - eternity is a long time whereas the handful of decades we're on this planet isn't. Rationally, this life becomes something of a qualifying round with the focus on accessing the potential eternal bliss up ahead. Being good, as defined by the culture we happened to be born into, becomes more important than being happy.

Rightly, or wrongly, for better or worse, Buddhism is concerned with happiness in the here and now and they figured out the structure of happiness, or at least how to generate happiness, a long time ago. Nowadays, our science understands that structure in much more detail than could be known in the past, but happiness then is happiness now. How we improve our level of happiness also, not surprisingly, remains the same although the terminology, and the concepts, used to explain it are obviously different - no one was talking about bio chemicals a thousands years ago - they translate back to the same general model. In practice, we've got the more esoteric model, or the scientific model, to choose from but, regardless of which we prefer, they paint the same picture. Here we'll explain happiness from both perspectives - present both models - so the universal fundamentals are clear and from there explain how an emotional detox significantly improves our sense of well being/ level of happiness.

If I have an hour to solve a problem, I'll spend 55 minutes defining it and just 5 minutes solving it' Einstein

By defining we're returning to the underlying fundamentals which, if we clarify, tends to resolve the problem. Confusion begets confusion.

While we may not personally believe in an eternal after life we, if we're westerners, cannot escape our culture is heavily influenced by this binary - good/bad - judgemental mentality. To us it's normal, indeed it is normal in our societies, but it's not normal in Buddhist societies. Obviously, if we're just seeking to be happy -just seeking those relevant feelings - we're much more able to navigate directly to them without feeling the need to firstly tick the 'right' boxes. This direct orientation helps a lot and the flexibility in non binary operating systems allows them to readily escape ruts. At base, all pragmatic therapy seeks to introduce flexibility into the individuals system which then allows the individual to make the changes needed. If the taste is not as we want we, obviously, have to change our recipe, but doing so firstly requires enough flexibility. Emotional detoxes help immensely with this plus provide us an immediate, significant improvement in our sense of well -being. As most people understand their phones operating system better than they understand their own this probably makes little sense, but it will shortly.

‘When I was 5 years old my mother always told me that happiness is the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life’. John Lennon

The delightful feelings we call happiness arise primarily from emotional well being and this is equally obvious scientifically today as it was thousands of years ago. If we're fill of love and joy, the rest is just logistics. While traditionally there could be no knowledge of bio chemicals - neurotransmitters, hormones etc - it was obvious we’re feeling something and that we could control those somethings. Clearly, if we can control what bio chemicals we’re generating within, and then consuming/experiencing, we’re controlling what we’re feeling and if we’re controlling what we’re feeling we’re controlling our level of happiness. That we can reverse engineer happiness - go directly to it instead of feeling the need to tick the ‘right’ boxes first - is obviously possible and an emotional detox proves this to us.

Emotional detoxes could, perhaps more accurately, be called motivational detoxes in that we’re deleting/ minimising motivations that have accumulated over time and now compete against our emotional motivations for our limited time, focus and energy. We have to prioritise, have to choose which motivations we nourish, and thus satisfy. When our overgrown branches of acquired motivations are pruned back we’re escaping those negative, or even just distracting, motivations. We're reclaiming time and energy, and allowing much more light/energy into our emotional core. Joy needs space to flow into.

Our emotions thrive on love and joy. While love and joy are very similar experiences -similar flavours/ bio chemicals - they’re not exactly the same and nor are their sources the same. Joy is like soft background music that is always there but we can’t connect to it, can’t hear and experience it, if there’s also loud music. Often, it's only when the loud music is turned off that we even know the other music was there all along. When we - if we - experience it we then get it, we understand that less is more and it’s this experience a VM course seeks to introduce us to.

Explained scientifically; we have two seperate motivational systems; We have our dopamine system and our serotonin/ oxytocin system but we can only access our serotonin system in the absence of the louder dopamine system. For example, those on the other side of the monastery walls are not seeking love - they’re in the wrong place for that - so they’re either all naive, and stupid, or they’re seeking something else. That we don’t get it, that we may not know what they’re experiencing doesn’t mean that experience doesn’t exist, it just means we’ve never experienced it ourselves.

Actually, as I'm writing this - Sept 26 - Stanford research has just shown we don't, as it had been assumed, have one brain with different branches, we have two distinct seperate brains/ nervous systems. Until now, the model has been one 'tree', albeit with distinct branches, but it's actually two 'trees' intertwined that just looks a lot like one tree. While it's been well known for thousands of years that we can be in system 'A' or system 'B', or a combination of both, that they are indeed completely seperate from each other is interesting. In practice, we have our intellectual system which is the cultural reality that our ego resides in and experiences; our ego is consuming the meanings our brain/that brain is giving to what our senses perceive. Whereas the other system, our emotional system, is in a different world as it's experiencing directly and organically. Typically, we'd refer to the post brain meaningful cultural world of our ego and the pre brain meaningless world of our emotions, but it now seems more accurate to consider them completely independent systems. The meaningful is meaningless - irrelevant - to our emotions whilst the organic meaningless experiences that our emotions are nourished on are meaningless/ irrelevant to our ego. One motivations treasure can be, and often is, another motivations trash.

Relevant here is that ego satisfaction is relatively insipid, and has a low ceiling, compared to emotional satisfaction. If our ego 'tree' is too well nourished it shades out our emotional tree; the light that our emotions require is not getting in. Effectively, we locked into system 'A', and can easily deem it the system as that's all we know. The cultural realities, that exist like bubbles within the larger reality, become the realities. Taken further, our cultural bubble becomes the reality; our beliefs and values become the right and true set of beliefs and values. Obviously, now we're trapped as we're limited to seeking happiness along the tramlines of our particular cultures mainstream path that we're deeming the reality, or at least the right, and good, path. Wanting to be 'good'/ have status is a motivation. A want is a motivation obviously so we, naturally enough, seek to satisfy both systems simultaneously which, in practice, means seeking to satisfy our emotions via the path that will also deliver us status/respect/approval. If we're successful enough in this quest, if we're happy enough on our societys mainstream path then that's great. Happy days, and we enjoy this life thing. If that reality is not satisfactory because we're different and/or because our mainstream path is itself subpar then we have a problem. If our civilisation is past it's zenith, and is now in the dying stage of it's lifecycle, if it's now potholed with the once low hanging fruit long gone, yet we're still motivationally programmed up to sprint down that path we're going to struggle to be happy. Of what use are beliefs and values/motivations if the path they put us on isn't fruitful?

Well, I think it's fine
Building jumbo planes
Or taking a ride on a cosmic train
Switch on summer from a slot machine
Yes, get what you want, if you want
'Cause you can get anything now

I know we've come a long way
Things are changing day to day
But tell me, where do the children play?

Where do the children play? Good question, and if children don't get to play - do what they actually want to be doing - they can struggle to connect to what they actually want to be doing/ experiencing as adults. Early, intensive and prolonged schooling is constantly force feeding system 'A' - that tree grows large and bushy, but what about our other tree? What about the one that really matters? Of course, we need to survive; that's our first priority. We need to access food, shelter etc via the economic system that exists, but it's easy to go too far, to become lobsided. To be chained to the bracken well not realising there's a deeper, fresher, much more satisfying well right next to it.

You're just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing
It can turn your heart black, you can trust
It'll take your God-filled soul
And fill it with just devils and dust

That, to experience the higher levels of happiness, we need both systems nourished and purring is obvious. Indeed, satisfied motivations, with few dissatisfied motivations, is the definition of happiness. Delicious bio chemicals in our cup with few distasteful stale ones means we're consuming, experiencing, feeling, tasting a delightful cocktail; in other words we're feeling great/we're happy. However, our two systems don't experience the same things, don't value the same things. Our ego is solely concerned with status/approval etc with the state of our emotions irrelevant aside from where, or if, it effects status. Trump is an obvious example of someone completely dominated by ego/system 'A'. He's hollowed out, his emotional tree has withered away from being trapped in the shade for so long. For him, only wealth, power and status matter because that's how he's experiencing it to be. The only satisfaction he can access is via ego/ system 'A' thus, naturally enough, that's all he values. Notoriously thin skinned because status is all he has; that's the only pleasant bio chemicals dripping into his cup so of course he'll feel pain, and react harshly, if someone threatens that drip. Of course, he'll milk his 'greatness' furiously because that faucet/teat is all there is for him. It's not much, status is inherently insipid, but at least it's something. There, at the cynical end of the spectrum, love and joy 'don't' exist , or if they theoretically do, they're not valued as the person has lost the capacity to connect to them. They're in a cave away from the light. They're disorientated, facing the wrong way. They adapt as best they can to the darkness and, in time, forget light exists and perhaps even deny it exists.

No one looks at trump and sees a happy person; At one pole of the spectrum everything can be nothing worth having whilst at the other pole, where Buddha was, 'nothing' can be everything. Buddha said 'By doing nothing, I do everything'. Indeed, what is there to do if we're 10/10 happy? Do what? By definition there are no unsatisfied motivations to be satisfied if we're 10/10 happy so of course he just sat, with that massive smile on his face, and watched the world go by. If we feel we lack nothing, we feel we have everything we want and if we feel we have everything we want we're, obviously, very very happy. Less is more for this reason but also because joy needs space to flow into. Presumably, Buddha wasn't out in the forest sitting under a tree seeking interpersonal love. He'd taken himself to the wrong place if that was his dominant motivation so either he was confused, and unhappy/dissatisfied, or he was accessing, and nourished by, something else. Our brain can label that something however it wants to, can understand it however it wants to, but it's got nothing to do with our brain, nothing to do with system 'A'.

The Tao that can be explained, is not the Tao.

The taste that can be explained, is not the taste. The love that our brain explains, is not the love.

Those on the higher levels of happiness focus on the relevant experiences. As they're humble they're not chasing status, and it's symbols, so are free are instead to hunting the invisible, and unexplainable, feelings they desire. By keeping their ego 'tree' pruned back the light is getting into their emotional tree, it's well nourished and they feel great.

Strength is vanity and time is illusion
I feel you breathing, the rest is confusion
Your skin touches mine, what else to explain
I'm the hunter of invisible game There's a kingdom of love waiting to be reclaimed

Our emotions are nourished by love and/or joy. But what is love without joy in the mix? Thus, those that understand orientate towards joy . To fill up, we must first empty out as joy needs space to flow into.

This is where much of the confusion regarding happiness, and how to generate it, comes from; Different people, different books are pointing at different things and contradicting each other. It's not that they're necessarily wrong, it's they're not all at the same place on the spectrum. There's this side of the monastery walls, and there's that side; what type of happiness are they deeming the happiness? The Trump type? Wealth, power, status? Or are they commentating from towards the other end of spectrum referring to a very different type of happiness? Or, are they pointing out there’s two wells/ two systems and we should drink from/nourish both? If so, are they factoring in that system A tends to short circuit our ability to access system B? Are they deeming their set of beliefs and values as the right and noble set which, not coincidently, makes them superior to nearly all others, or are they accepting it’s all subjective and that their perspective is just their perspective and not the perspective? Beyond a certain point on the spectrum reality is swirling shades of grey, not the black and white our brain typically cataorises it into given we have to make decisions to satisfy objectives. We need solid ground, so our brain provides us with that but what if we don't want anything? Then what is just is. Our brain doesn't bother to spend energy catagosing because it makes no difference either way. Some have gone past that point on the spectrum, others haven't and thus that possibility doesn't exist for them. That's 'mumbo jumbo' and they point to what they believe exists, to what they believe is 'best'.

Our brain/s serve our motivations. That's it's job. It's our interface between the information our senses receive regarding the environment we have to navigate to satisfy our motivations. Neither the data we receive, nor the beliefs our brain has accumulated about reality is the reality but it's something, it's better than nothing and we do the best we can with the equipment we have. Given our reality is not the reality we're humble - our right is obviously not the right - and we're necessarily working with probabilities. Sometimes things go to plan, sometimes not - ho hum- nothing to get upset about but the more relevant information we learn the more things do unfold as anticipated. Thus we're now motivated to learn relevant knowledge and taking responsibility for our reality. Humble, flexible, pragmatic, proactive and taking ownership. How is it possible to blame others? for what? for them being them? If our expectations of them cause us pain is it them causing that pain or our expectations?

A given recipe is not inherently wrong; that one works well for some. It’s all just perspectives, just recipes with one recipe tasting great to some yet doesn’t to others.

Ideally, we learn to mix and match, to make our own recipe and easily change it if we need to, or feel like a change. Believe we’ve magically stumbled into the right set/ recipe and we can’t mix and match as doing so will undermine our existing structure of beliefs and values that our status is happily perched atop of.

Via emotional detoxes, of one form or another, we do experience it and then get that less is more. While we don’t have to understand it to experience it, we’ll typically lack enough motivation to detox in the first place unless we have at least a basic understanding of the benefits and how those benefits manifest.

I should add that what I'm labelling 'joy' can be labelled/ understood differently. God, Tao, Light, Energy, Soul or just a different type of love are among the many different ways brains can understand it. Buddhism doesn't preclude the possibility that others can better perceive, thus better understand, the nature of this something than they can. Buddhism doesn't deny the existence of any God, they just personally lack the capacity to colour in what others, presumably, can. As, from their perspective, it's the connection to it/the experience that matters, the exact nature of that something isn't so important. Though different cultures have different beliefs regarding the nature of God they, as far as I understand, all agree that the kingdom of God is within. The connection, the experience is happening within us. Indeed, where else can it happen? Buddhists just seek that experience - that emotional well being/ high level of happiness - in the here and now as, from their perspective, that’s what is relevant now.

Whether that is relevant to us ,or not, is up to us to decide. If it is a VM detox allows us to connect to that something by removing that which is blocking that connection.

Our goal is not to find love, and joy, but to remove all barriers which are preventing us from receiving it.” Rumi

House got too crowded clothes got too tight
And I don't know just where I'm heading tonight
But out where the sky's been cleared by a good hard rain
There's something calling my secret name

Had a coat of fine leather and snakeskin boots
But that coat always had a thread hanging loose
Well I pulled it one day and to my surprise
It led me right past that house and on over the rise

I had some victory that was just failure in deceit
The joke was coming up through the soles of my feet
I been a long time walking on fortune's cane
But now I'm stepping lightly and feeling no pain

Well here's to your good looks, here's to my health
Here's to the loaded places that we take ourselves
When it comes to luck, we make our own
Tonight I got dirt on my hands but I'm building me a new home.

Maslow Hierarchy of Needs/Motivations

To understand how emotional detoxes achieve what they achieve, we must first understand our own motivational system. The classic Maslow hierarchy of needs/motivations illustrates our species innate motivations, or what we typically call instincts. Obviously, our priority is survival as everything else on our 'shopping list' is academic if we're dead. Beyond survival mode we seek some security - a bit of a buffer - while simultaneously trying to satisfy emotional and ego motivations/instincts. On top of these primary hardwired motivations we accumulate clusters of secondary motivations acquired via our culture, schooling, family etc. By the time we’re adults the handful of primary motivations we were born with are now bundled up with a huge number of secondary motivations most of which were installed in us by others. This motivational clutter can short circuit our connection to our real motivations meaning we struggle to act in our own actual interests. Remove this clutter and we reconnect. When there's more light now getting into our core we experience the massive difference and get that less is more.

At the tip of our species motivational hierarchy we see 'self actualisation'. A vague term, but clearly it involves discriminating between self and non self. How do we do this? As mentioned, we do it by deleting much of our motivational overgrowth -secondary motivations - allowing us to reconnect with our primary real motivations which, given they're hardwired in, cannot be deleted. For example, a drug addict is dominated by that powerful acquired motivation for the drug which overpowers nearly all of their other motivations. The addict only cares about accessing the pleasure the drug provides and escaping the pain experienced without the drug. To free themselves from this habit/motivation they must starve it out. If they stop feeding that motivation it dies and they'll, in a week or two, be completely free of it allowing them to redirect their time, focus and energy towards satisfying other, hopefully more positive, motivations. All secondary motivations, large and small, can be deleted/ minimised/ managed via the same process. Programs installed can be uninstalled. If a program/motivation is not useful, or no longer useful, why keep it in us? We do because people come to identify with their existing motivations. Those motivations, and the existing balance of power between them, have been within them for so long they deem that status quo them.

“Repetition, over time, cements symptoms as identity”

Dr Mary Jo Peebles. Clinical Psychologist and Author

Just as the drug addict must suffer to remove the alien motivation - going cold turkey doesn't amuse that 'monkey on their back' - so we must suffer, typically to a much lesser extent, to remove our clusters of accumulated motivations. A 10 day VM course is not much fun, but it works. The course involves spending the bulk of the 10 days just sitting crosslegged meditating with 'meditating' here meaning just focusing on the feelings arising inside of us. We soon connect the dots, soon understand motivations motivate via feelings. How else? We want this, or that, because we feel we want it. But we feel we want many things - we've accumulated a long, and probably contradictory, shopping list - yet not all feelings are equal as not all motivations are relevant, useful, or ours to begin with. Not all that glitters is gold, so we have to distinguish between real gold and fools gold. By just sitting we're unable to satisfy/feed motivations so they starve and die off freeing us from those infections. It's not much fun, it's uncomfortable for a few days, but sometimes we've got to do what we've got to do.

"Neurosis is the avoidance of legitimate suffering" Carl Jung

Being unwilling to accept some pain dooms us to much more pain. It's then impossible to free ourselves and if we can't free ourselves we'll stay trapped and call it 'bad luck'. Everyone is on a crusade to be happy. Some 'land on their feet' and there's nothing significant that they need to change, but others have some work to do.

The rat traps are filled with soul crusaders
Their circuits lined and jammed with chromed invaders

Clearly, to discriminate between self and non self, we just put all the motivations we’re juggling down, step away and see what we’ve now got. Those motivations that are us, that are hardwired in, are stepping away with us but now they’re no longer crowded, now they’re no longer smothered, now we're reconnected to what they want, what they’re nourished on. Now we're orientated towards our actual interests instead of being a drone controlled by motivations others installed and those that we've randomly accumulated over time.

Obviously, the first step is to empty out, to empty our cup. We must first throw away the stale ugly flavours to escape their taste and to make space for delightful flavours of our choice keeping in mind space within our cup has a quality all of it's own. Often people keep trying to pour in delightful flavours without firstly emptying out what's already in there. What's the point of that? The cup is already full, meaning little gets in and what does is quickly polluted by the stale stuff already there. If I have coffee in my cup and want to enjoy some wine, or whatever, I need to pour out the coffee, and the dregs, first. I guess I don't have to but it's just a bit silly, and self defeating, not to.

When we get that less is more, the hard becomes easy as we understand it's not, beyond extremes, reality making us feel as we feel but our relationship with reality. Motivations within us seek satisfaction and they purr - release pleasant bio chemicals - if they're satisfied and claw - release painful bio chemicals - if they're dissatisfied. Those motivations are in us; if they weren't we'd not seek what we seek, not feel any lack - pain - not having what we don't want. Prune back our motivations and having just satisfied motivations - thus being very happy - is obviously much easier than simultaneously juggling many, some of which contradict others.

Us Homo Sapiens ( wise humans ) are social primates; we're motivationally complicated given our survival motivations, social motivations and emotional motivations. However, and to illustrate the struggle, dominant egos struggle to accept we're primates as doing so threatens their sense of status. Their structure of beliefs and values has solidified into something solid which their ego is perched atop of looking down upon most others thus providing delicious status. Trying to incorporate them being primates into that structure threatens the integrity of that structure so they recoil. Its not that they believe the evidence indicates we're fish, or birds, they're just recoiling from ego pain. They have no alternative, all they 'know' is they're something more glorious than a primate. The humble, or the other hand, have no problem accepting they're primates because status doesn't mean much to them anyway. What difference does it make? Presumably, we're something and we do look suspiciously like primates. Take our clothes off, seperate us from our sophisicated tools like cars and laptops and we're obviously looking at a primate, albeit a relatively intelligent one. A wise Ape - Homo Sapien. If we don't trust our eyes we can refer to the fossil, and genetic evidence. What does that say? Here we see another corrosive effect having a dominant ego inflicts; We can't learn anything that challenges our sense of status given the ego pain. Trump is a good example; he's painfully ignorant yet thinks he knows everything. To learn we must be humble, must firstly accept we don't know yet how can one be the 'greatest' yet not already know?

Knowledge is power because it we know how to make something happen we have the power to make it happen. Relevant knowledge is relevant power and as adults we get to decide what is relevant. Yet, if we believe we, magically, already know what is relevant then there's nothing for us to learn and our recipe is the recipe. We then superimpose our beliefs and values over others, we judge them by our beliefs and values as if our set is the set. Irrational, but it feels good as it automatically gives us high status. Exactly why other adults should care about our beliefs and values is an awkward question we prefer to not ponder too much. Who made us God? The humble, on the other hand, aren't demanding reality aligns with their notions and instead have the flexibility to learn about, and then align with reality. If we want to be happy in reality we're well advised to accept reality.

Two caveats here;

Groups do need ideals and do need their members to be aligned with the hierarchy, rational or not, to be functional. We can be upset with other people without the disapointment tracing back to ego. Communities need their standards maintained.

If our current recipe - set of beliefs and values - are functional then they're completely fine. No one has the truth, it's all subjective anyway.

All social animals, including ourselves, organise the collective via hierarchies. We have our Presidents, Prime ministers, CEOs, village leaders, team captains etc etc. Our egos motivation for status and approval aligns us with our group given we can only satisfy our hungry ego via our groups hierarchy; via it's particular set of beliefs and values. If I want your respect I can only satisfy that motivation via your values. As, at least in the past, we were part of the same group your values are the groups values. Indeed, until relatively recent times we wouldn't even know other beliefs and values were even possible given how insular groups of humans used to be. Ego, and the evolution of our ego, are useful to understand given how potentially destructive our ego can be, but that's for another page.

Relevant at the moment is that, as the Maslow hierarchy of innate needs/motivations below shows, our ego and emotional motivations are completely seperate systems within us. What is a good time for our ego is not emotionally, and vis versa. Given our dependance on our group we needed, and have, a motivation powerful enough to align us with our group. The urge for status via our groups particular set of beliefs and values does this critical job. A group that is not aligned is not a functioning group and if our group is not cohesive and functioning we're unlikely to be competitive against groups that are. It's never a very pleasant affair if our group gets defeated meaning our group is always right, always the 'good guys'. Rationally, beliefs and values are obviously subjective - what is right depends on who is asked, of course. The 'baddies' see themselves as the 'goodies' and the competition as the 'baddies', but that's not at all how our ego sees things. Subjective status is not real status so we're highly incentivised to pretend our set - the one we just happened to be born into - is the right set. This, from an evolutionary, survival point of view is not a bug, it's a feature given survival is our priority and we couldn't survive in the precarious past without our functional, cohesive group. It only becomes a bug if we need to change our recipe, in order to change the taste. We struggle to make signinficant change because, whilst we might not be so happy, at least we're succesful, good as defined by the set of values we're subsctrinbed to. Our ego is perfectly content with the status quo and will naturally resist any significant change. This is the classic ego resistance to change that haunts therapy rooms all day, everyday. This is why most just select a pill instead of changing their recipe. Dr Shedler explains this well

Dr Shedler explains this well;

"Truth is, many patients do not come to therapy to change. Not really. They may say and think they want to change. It soon becomes evident that they want to continue being exactly the person they have been, and living life in the same self-limiting ways, but feel better doing it. Real psychotherapy begins with helping the person to not only understand but truly take to heart that what they want is impossible.

In other words, the real work of therapy may begin with crushing disappointment, as the patient struggles to reconcile with the painful truth that neither the therapist nor anyone else has the power to give them what they want. To feel different, they must become different—and there is no bypass around this. Paradoxically, it is this terrible disappointment that opens the door to realistic hope.Sadly, for every therapist who understands this and is prepared to join the patient in doing the difficult work, there are many more “therapists” happy to foster the patient’s illusion that they can feel different without becoming different, and therapy can work by magic. Choose wisely."

The catch 22 is; if the person suffering had an emotional buffer they could handle some ego pain thus make some changes. But, if they had that buffer they couldn't be knocking on the therpasits door in the first place. Often people leave interventions until it's too late, until they're now totally depdanant on ego satsifaction for the modicom of happiness they are expereincing.

Secondary motivations, for the most part, serve, or at least were intended to serve, our primary motivations. If not, why are there? Who, or what, are they serving? For example; we need food, shelter etc and we live in a world which these obvious priorities require some kind of gainful employment. The motivation for a job is a secondary motivation that serves those primary motivations. It’s a valid, if we don’t already have a lot of $$, secondary motivation, but a secondary motivation nevertheless. To get a pleasant, and fruitful, job we need qualifications, the right work ethic etc so now we’ve got more secondary motivations. Beyond a certain point, as our secondary motivations accumulate and get more and more remote from the primary source motivation, their actual relevance - their point in the first place - becomes confused. To get ‘A’ we believe we firstly need to get ‘H’ and ‘K’. To get ‘H’ we believe we firstly need to get ‘L’, F and J and to get ‘L’ we believe we firstly need to get ‘P and ’S’. Then do ‘K’ and it’s derivatives - complicated. That whole matrix, functional or not, is held in place by our existing beliefs and values which are themselves second-hand. Our parents and culture, with good intentions no doubt, installed the bulk of those motivations/programs and if the resulting matrix works fine, if that recipe delivers a satisfactory taste, then all is good. Happy days - we enjoy our time. If not, then perhaps we have some work to do, perhaps we need to step out of our own overgrown, second-hand, web and return to our core selves.

When we prune it all back, when we step out of our own overgrown web, we’re now connected with our underlying primary motivations that matrix was meant to serve. We then realise the overgrown matrix was itself the problem, we get that less is more and, once we’ve reorientated to our actual interests, can install a useful, relevant, simplified matrix/web of secondary motivations. KISS; 'Keep It Simple Stupid' as we (not just me) were repeatably told in the army.

When someone says they want to ‘find themselves’, they’re saying find, and then connect to, their real motivations. They want to know what they really want from this life thing they’re experiencing. Know that and they know what path to select. They’re looking to sort their motivational wheat from the chuff and they typically set about doing so via introducing a wider variety of experiences into their life to see what resonates and refine their path accordingly. While this strategy makes sense, and sometimes works well, we’re still in the grip of our existing motivational current which, given most of that current is made up of secondary motivations, is itself the problem. As it takes a long time to make significant progress wading against that current we're, in practice, better off stepping outside of that current for a short time, see what comes with us and see what washes away. Our innate motivations are hardwired in, they’re stepping out with us, and we quickly realise that current we were in was never ours to begin with. That current/river/reality is still there, but now it’s just another option amongst many. We can enter it, but we can also exit it, and we can enter it where we choose to enter it. We can mix and match: a bit from this, a bit from that. By getting out of our existing current we get above it.

Though, given there’s two independent systems within us it might seem a binary proposition - we’re in this one, or that one - in practice there’s a spectrum as both systems are experiencing simultaneously. It’s rare we’re only feeling one thing. Rare there’s only one motivation/objective propelling us through the environment. A given motivation doesn’t exist in a vacuum, rather it’s jumbled up with many motivations each demanding satisfaction. We decide what option we take according to our objectives which are downstream from our motivations. We do not seek what we don’t want. The balance of power within our ‘basket of motivations’ determines our objectives and our objectives determine our decisions and thus our actions. Our actions add up, we step in this direction, or that direction, taking us to this reality, or that reality.

Additionally, there’s no the reality as the exact same location is both perceived differently and experienced differently depending on our motivations/objectives. Our species only has a handful of mediocre senses to perceive reality via in the first place - most of what is there isn’t for us given we’re limited to that slice we can perceive. That slice is itself too much data for our turbo charged primate brains to process so it’s unconsciously filtered for relevance given our objectives. For example; ‘Pete’ is walking through town wanting nicotine - he’s run out of cigarettes- so he’s scanning the environment for cigarette outlets. He’s bringing that information/data to the fore thus pushing everything else into the vague background. Thus, the exact same location is different to us depending on our motivations and the balance of power between them. The path we’re on is not the same path someone next to us is on and nor are they experiencing the ‘same’; things the same way. It’s all subjective and if we can accept this then we can readily change our recipe to change what we’re tasting. However, dominate egos can’t accept it’s all subjective because that would mean their status is also just subjective.

If we want to act in our own interests we must firstly connect to our own motivations. Sort the wheat from the chuff and our objectives are now our actual objectives and not just what others programmed into us via our culture and schooling etc.

The distinction between self and non self has been made and once that’s done self actualisation/ a high level of happiness is possible. How else?

If we could delete all dissatisfied motivations/ satisfy all our existing motivations we’re, by definition, on a very high level of happiness. If there’s no dissatisfaction/ no pain/ no unpleasant flavours what is left? Just satisfaction, just pleasant flavours and space for joy to flow into.

Sure, we have to survive, have to combat our innate ego which seeks very different things than what our emotions do - status and approval vs love and joy - but such is the game of life. We’re social primates, we’re motivationally complicated but it’s well within the capabilities of our brains to understand, and thus manage, our motivations. Manage our motivations and we’re managing our level of happiness. Motivations - objectives - decisions - actions - reality we take ourselves to.

Emotional detoxes are upstream therapy as opposed to typical midstream therapy that intervenes around decisions. Midstream therapy has such a poor success rate because we’re fighting our motivational current - motivations vs motivations. What the point of that? Just step out of that stream and our innate motivations are stepping out with us - they’re hardwired in - and the rest can just wash away as they’re mostly just trash anyway.

Make the changes upstream at source and gravity does the rest for us. Different motivations, and different balance of power between motivations, equals different objectives. With different objectives in hand we’re hunting/gathering different things from the environment - taking ourselves to different realities, choosing different paths to those new realities we seek. Our orientation is different; we’re seeking emotionally nourishing fields, not status nourishing fields/ pats on the head.

that we can make the changes upstream is known

That we can simply go upstream and make the changes there is known, it's no mystery. Indeed, as I'm writing this ( August 26) the Huberman podcast discussed this very topic with psychiatrist Dr. Alok Kanojia who was explaining, albeit with different terminology, the same thing. '

‘What I try and do is I help people get to their fundamentals. Everyone is focused on changing behaviour, everyone is focused on increasing willpower to overcome a tendency, and it’s ,like, why not just change the tendency?. For their natural thoughts to change, for the way they see the world to change, for their behaviours to change on its own doesn’t require willpower. Will power is necessary when you’re fighting against tendencies but it’s not required when those tendencies are no longer there.’

Exactly. One needs willpower when it's motivations vs motivations but we don't at all if we just delete the problem 'tendencies'. Possibly due to his Indian heritage this is obvious to him. After all, India is the birthplace of Buddhism and, incidentally, where I did my VM course more then 3 decades ago. Also incidentally, the Huberman podcast is an excellent source for remaining updated with the latest scientific discoveries and conclusions regarding health and happiness. Very popular, it typically ranks no 1 in the world in its genre and is often in the top 10 podcasts overall. It's hosted by Stanford neurologist Professor Huberman who is a very pragmatic, evidence only, type of guy. Recently he pondered the 'meaning of life' and to him it was ' learning to enjoy the time we have and to prolong that time'. Exactly, what else and if we believe it's something else where do those beliefs/motivations come from? It's hard to imagine we choose them ourselves as that would be self defeating. If we believe life is about hard work, so it will be but, like, why would we want that life? Isn't that the life of a slave?

You got a job downtown, man it leaves your head cold
And everywhere you look, life ain't got no soul
That apartment you live in feels like it's just a place to hide
When you're walking down the streets, you won't meet no one eye to eye
Now the cops reported you as just another homicide
But I could tell that you were just frustrated

Those on the higher levels of happiness have gained clarity regarding they want and they don't want that life.

Now some may want to die young
Young and gloriously
Get it straight now mister
That ain't me
'Cause I got something on my mind
That sets me straight and walkin' proud
I want all the time
And all that heaven will allow

Which, not surprisingly, is the exact same 'meaning of life' that Dr Huberman subscribes to. While 'proud' and 'humble' may not seem to go together they do if our definition of success is happiness. Then, we're proud we've made our way through the maze, through the desert to our oasis. As all egos are doing is just slapping 'right' and 'good' on what they see in our mirror -we're sneaky monkeys like this -if the person in our mirror values happiness, if they define success as happiness, then our ego and emotions are aligned. There's conflict anymore and those on a high level of happiness resolved this conflict a long time ago. We can't escape having an ego, and nor would we want to, but we can choose the hierarchy our ego climbs. Those on a high level of happiness still high five their own reflection; why not as it's easy dollop of delicious bio chemicals and keeps their pruned back ego purring, but they're not taking it seriously, they're laughing at themselves for doing so.

Fill up with love and joy and the rest is just logistics. However, system ‘A’ has been programmed up to be motivated very differently. If we want to be ‘good’ as defined by the beliefs and values we’ve been subscribed to that want is, obviously, a motivation. If we’re good we get a pat, a cookie. We get a nice dollop of pleasant enough bio chemicals. Nice, but that’s the consolation prize; ego satisfaction is relatively insipid and has a low ceiling. It’s something, but it’s not much which is why it’s those dominated by their egos that knock on therapists doors. The humble don’t care much about status thus they’re flexible and easily able to orientate towards their actual interests. They’re flexible and pragmatic and if we’re not flexible and pragmatic, why aren’t we? Typically the answer is because status is so important to us we can’t accept beliefs and values are subjective, can’t accept they’re just recipes that we can , and should, change if need be. Because, if beliefs and values are accepted as being subjective - as they obviously are - then our status is also just subjective. Ouch, our ego doesn’t like the sound of that and so our finger recoils from the ‘refresh’ button and we ask for a pill instead.

Boiled down; When we love someone we love the love. It's the experience we're valuing and attracted to. Presumably, if we didn't meet, and fall in love with that person, we'd meet and fall in love with someone else. The relevant bio chemicals that generate this feeling, or that feeling, are being generated within us and we can control them. What we grow in our inner garden is up to us, but whatever it is we want, or think we want, the first step is to remove the weeds. Do that and we see what long smothered seeds suddenly sprout. We see how we now feel. Typically, but not surprisingly, we'll find the weeds were the problem.

this page is getting too long and is probably enough - too much - info for most anyway. I continue here.

page 2 intro

This emptying/cleansing process can be visualised in various ways;

Ever noticed how clean and vigorous a river is after a flood? The river returns to it's natural course once the accumulated trash, algae and swamps are swept away. We have a river of energy within us which also benefits greatly from being flooded now and again. When we detox we closing all those upstream tributaries/ motivations that are syphoning off our energy for their own purposes. Unknowingly, we're irrigating fields/ motivations that are not actually ours and/or irrelevant. This syphoning is resulting in a lot less energy flowing down our natural riverbed and these sluggish waters allow blockages, and then swamps, to easily form. In those swamps a seperate eco system develops; life forms that shouldn't be there are. Algae, mosquitos etc thrive in those stagnant waters which is ok as the next flood will clear them out, but what happens if the next flood never arrives? When we go upstream and stop supplying those foreign fields - reclaim that energy - we've now got a flood which removes the blockages and the swamps. 'Magically' our actual motivations are now getting well nourished, 'magically' the mosquitos/ symptoms have gone, but it's not magic. We can chase mosquitos - midstream therapy - or we can go upstream, reclaim our energy and let gravity do the rest.

I put my heart and soul, I put 'em high upon a shelf
Right next to the faith, the faith that I'd lost in myself
I went down into the desert city
Just tryin' so hard to shed my skin
I crawled deep into some kind of darkness
Lookin' to burn out every trace of who I'd been

You do some sad sad things
When it's you you're tryin' to lose
You do some sad and hurtful things
I've seen living proof

You shot through my anger and rage
To show me my prison was just an open cage
There were no keys no guards
Just one frightened man and some old shadows for bars

In a world so hard and dirty, so fouled and confused
Searching for a little bit of God's mercy
I found living proof

Of course, we need to survive first. Navel gazing over our level of happiness is a luxury very very few of our ancestors were fortunate enough to be able to indulge in. Like all advanced life forms, we're not wired up to be happy, we're wired up to survive and reproduce. Was our great, great Grandma happy? We don't know, we don't care, all we know is we're here. It's our turn to experience this life thing for a time so then the question is; Experience what? As one motivations treasure can be, and often is, another motivations trash we have to firstly sort the wheat from the chaff.

Indeed, our brain often gets in the way of accessing love and joy by conjuring up meanings which we then consume instead of the actual experience. We're adding sauces to the meal and then, over time, actually enjoying the sauces instead of what is now buried underneath. Eventually, we neglect what's underneath as it doesn't seem so important- we can't really taste it anymore anyway. Then, with little emotionally nourishing on our plate, we become emotionally mal nourished. The solution? Detox, get those sauces off and reconnect to the organic something underneath and experience the difference. We can still use sauces, but we'll use them sparsely and we'll know they're just sauces. If we could hear our emotions we'd hear something like this;

I want to run, I want to hide
I wanna tear down the walls that hold me inside
I wanna reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name.

I wanna feel sunlight on my face
Have that dust cloud disappear without a trace
I wanna take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name.

Well, we busted out of class
Had to get away from those fools
We learned more from a three-minute record
Than we ever learned in school

Now young faces grow sad and old
And hearts of fire grow cold
We swore blood brothers against the wind
Now I'm ready to grow young again

Like soldiers in the winter's night
With a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender We made a promise we swore we'd always remember
No retreat, baby, no surrender.

The scholar learns something everyday, the Buddhist unlearns something everyday. Watts.

In a sense, it's not our rut that’s the problem - that reality exists and is an option - it’s our inability to climb out of it, our inability to zoom out, that’s the problem. When we zoom out - when we gain flexibility - we’re probably still looking for our cozy niche, still seeking our little oasis, still searching for our beautiful reward, but we’re aware of so many more options, and we can mix and match them. We’re no longer welded to the one cultural template we just happened to be born into. Satisfied motivations - we have what we want - with no unsatisfied motivations - we don't have what we don't want equals, by definition, a very high level of happiness. When our 'shopping list' is too long, our time and energy becomes short introducing ugly stress into our 'cup'. Additionally, some motivations are contradicting other motivations putting a low ceiling on our potential happiness. Select path 'A' and those motivations dissatisfied on that path are injecting frustration/pain into us, but select path 'B' and those that were happy on path 'A' are now dissatisfied. Awkward.

We can scurry through the environment seeking what we want, and trying to avoid what we don't like, and we all do this obviously. Yet, the other side of that equation - what we want - can also be managed and to a degree most don't realise. 'Pete' wants 'B', so off he goes to hunt and/or gather 'B'. Leaving aside that he's not actually wanting 'B', he's wanting the feelings he believes he'll experience via 'B', if he's competent he can obtain 'B'. Nice, but what if 'B' motivation is just an infection, just a cuckoo in his nest he's feeding? What if he could just delete 'B' and put that time, energy and focus towards satisfying his actual motivations? After-all, at base he's just seeking pleasant feelings - to be happy - so why not 'clear the decks' of the clutter and see how he feels without all that clutter?

Well I sought gold and diamond rings
My own drug to ease the pain that living brings
Walked from the mountain to the valley floor
Searching for my beautiful reward
Searching for my beautiful reward

From a house on a hill a sacred light shines
I walked through those rooms but none of them are mine
Down empty hallways I went from door to door
Searching for my beautiful reward
Searching for my beautiful reward

Tonight I can feel that cold wind at my back
I'm flying high over those grey fields, my feathers long and black
Down along the river's silent edge I soar
Searching for my beautiful reward
Searching for my beautiful reward

Our motivations, and the relative power between them, determine our objectives. We're not out in the environment, doing what we're doing, with no objectives in mind. We have our immediate objectives, and also our longer term objectives, that we're seeking to satisfy and those objectives are downstream of our motivations - we do not seek what we don't want. We do not seek to avoid what we doesn't bother us. Our objectives determine our decisions; we engage our brain to come up with strategies to satisfy our objectives. What option we select from those we believe we have depends upon our objectives. Our decisions are downstream of our objectives. Our actions flow from our decisions; we step in this, or that, direction and those steps add up taking us to this, or that, reality. If we lack clarity our steps might just take us in circles, one step forward and two steps back.

When I look at myself I don't see
The man I wanted to be
Somewhere along the line I slipped off track
One step up and two steps back

We need clarity. Need to know what it is we're actually seeking to know what path leads there, thus what path to take. Ultimately, we're seeking to be very happy; no one seeks to be miserable although, if motivations get too numerous, tangled and contradictory, miserable is the best we can realise. We're 'happy' being miserable which means some motivations like our reality, whilst others don't, putting a very low ceiling on our potential level of happiness. One motivations treasure is other motivations trash....People want to be happy but they're often not willing to take out the trash. They desperately want lovely plants in their garden but refuse to firstly take the weeds out. They might plant the seeds they want but how can those seeds possibly grow amidst all the competition?

People tend to be held rigid -can't change their actions to change outcomes - because some motivations are happy with the status quo - they're getting well nourished - yet some other motivations are mal nourished and do want something different. Naturally, the individual wants to keep the satisfied motivations purring and just make the ones that are clawing stop clawing. 'Keep the pleasant flavours in and just take out the ugly ones please Doc'. But this is impossible given one motivations treasure is another motivations trash. Generally, underneath the problem is the individual is dominated by their ego - their need to be good/ have status as defined by the beliefs and values they're currently subscribed to is more powerful than their emotional motivations. To make significant changes requires flexibility in their beliefs and values yet their status is dependant on those same beliefs and values being 'the' right and true set. Accept they're subjective and their status is also just subjective. Awkward; they must feel worse to feel better. Their ego must take a fall and, naturally, their ego does not want to come crashing down thus resists any tampering with the structure of beliefs and values it's perched upon. This is the classic ego resistance to change that haunts therapy rooms all day, every day.

By the time we pop out of our cookie cutter schools, we've already gained some status, approval etc via those beliefs and values so we're now invested in that template. To defend our hard won status and approval, we naturally defend the beliefs and values our status is built on. Our 'good' and 'right' is not subjective, it's the good and right. Other peoples definitions are subjective, but not ours. We, by lucky 1 in a 1000 chance, have been programmed with the right and true beliefs and values which means we get to judge others by our values. Lucky us, because as our values are not theirs, they fall short, thus we're superior to them. Voila, we have status. Indeed, we're 'superior' to most others in the world. Presumably, this means we consider ourselves superior to nearly all who existed in the past, and nearly all who will exist in the future -seems morbid. But, as rationally examining the structure our ego is perched up upon causes that structure to wobble, we tend to resist any examination. This, and what Shedler was also pointing to above is the classic ego resistance to change that haunts therapy rooms all day, everyday. Our ego is enjoying status from who we are so if we change who we are we lose that status. Awkward. Naturally, our ego resists being put on a starvation diet, its claws unsheat and we recoil from that pain. Our finger retracts from the 'refresh' button and we ask for a pill please.

Shedler was pointing out some therapists 'cheat' by validating the persons ego thus milking some more delicious status bio chemicals - the person feels a bit better - the therapist gets paid and the client comes back in soon enough. Good business model, but terrible 'therapy'. The 'therapist' instead of removing, or at least diluting, the suffocating cultural, or sub cultural, template is actually adding in extra nails. But then, what can one expect? Most therapists have themselves gone through a couple decades of schooling, have never really lived outside that cultural bubble, so the mainstream path seems to be the only path from their perspective. Of course, the structure of our modern societies only really allow for midstream, incremental type therapy. One hour a week, or so, is typically all a person with a job, and juggling numerous other motivations/responsibilities, can access. Often it's better than nothing.

The above is one of the reasons midstream therapy has such a poor success rate when it comes to improving peoples level of happiness. One of the reasons so many people select some pill to hopefully mask how their cocktail tastes. When someone is heavily infected with second hand motivations how can they even know what they actually want? In this sense, what can the therapist even do from midstream? We're asking someone who is lost what direction they want to go in. We're giving cuckoos a vote. Trying to make changes midstream -around objectives and decisions - is hard, slow work with their current objectives themselves downstream from their motivations. Just make the changes upstream at source and let gravity do the work. Lights out tonight

Although, that we approve/disapprove of another persons behaviour is not just from ego. We do live in communities that do need standards to be maintained in order to maintain everyones quality of life. Groups need ideals and they have significant value even if scientifically dubious. Arguably, our groups need a colourful veil placed over the reality. But when, or if, that veil has degraded into being a matadors cape we have little choice but to look beyond it and see what it’s leading us to. Then we need to be able to zoom out, zoom in, need to be able to see options that exist but, effectively, don’t exist if we’re stuck in the same perspective.

The humble can change their beliefs if evidence, or experience, contradicts their existing ones and change their values if their recipe is no longer generating a satisfactory taste. They're flexible, adaptable, pragmatic because it's obvious this life thing is all subjective anyway. The price we pay.

Of course we have to survive. We need food, shelter, security etc and we need to satisfy those needs via the economic system that exists. Necessarily, our emotional well-being often has to take a backseat but, and what we find out via an emotional detox, many of our accumulated secondary motivations are just irrelevant, just clogging up our system like old files and programs on a laptop.

While most people understand their phones operating system better than they understand their own - due to ego resistance - they tend to assume they function a bit like a car does. If there's a problem the mechanic identifies it, fixes it, slaps the hood and off they happily drive. This belief is wildly inaccurate as we're much more like a laptop that struggles to function properly because it’s accumulated too many files and programs. It’s core operating system is overloaded, confused and it’s energy is been consumed by a lot of useless programs installed long ago. The problem is not a specific file, or program, it’s the overcrowding itself - there’s too much useless junk weighing down the system. We can press refresh, and if that works then fine, but we’re typically better off to return to ‘factory settings’ and get the core operating system functioning properly again. Experience the massive difference and then reinstall/install only those programs that we choose to have, that are relevant to our actual objectives, instead of remaining a drone programmed up by whatever culture, or sub culture, we happened to be born into. If we’re not acting in our own actual interests - in touch with our innate motivations - in whose interests are we acting?

Of course, most people have a functioning equilibrium that satisfies both well enough - they have enough status/ respect/approval and they have enough emotional satisfaction which makes them happy enough. However, it’s very common that those knocking on therapists doors lack that balance; they’re too focused on being right and good as defined by their culture, or sub culture, and lack the flexibility to change their definitions, thus be more flexible, even when they obviously need to. They’re in so deep they’re mistaking their cultural reality as the reality, as all there is and if it’s all there is then no other options realistically exist for them. They want to be happy but they’re trapped by their programming which they don’t see as programming, they see as reality.

I want to run

The greatest gift an emotional detox gives us is the leap along the spectrum. It's the new perspective, new way of experiencing because it's the difference that shows us that neither ourselves, nor reality, is that solid something we had deemed it to be. In the rut it seems to be the reality, it's only when we get out of it that it becomes just one reality, one possibility. It's only when we're different that we know we can be different, that we know we're fluid not solid.